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Tathagata a Question
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Enlightenment Questions - Question From Simon

Dear Tathagata,

My question today is about negative people. There is one friend in particular who I see as being a negative influence in my life, on a regular basis. Sometimes I think I should keep trying to have a positive influence on this person, and help her overcome her fears. Other times I think it would be better to distance myself from her, because I can see the harm she is causing me. What would you advise?

Thank you for maintaining your site, I continue to find it very helpful.

Simon

Answer from Tathagata,

Dear Simon,

For answering your question, first, I have to understand accuracy of the problem. But your explanation is very obscure. So, when I have a detailed information and indication of the problem, I can answer you which thing is good or bad for you to help your friend or not to do. Because, in many cases, each people's Motae which they had when they were born is different, it's easy to have a trouble with mutual understanding. We can see these cases everywhere easily that people feel trouble with the others who have different Motae. And you may have the same experience. Therefore, for more understanding of exact things in reality, your question should be detailed for helping me to recognize the problem. If you tell me in every particular, I believe that I can answer you exactly.

Tathagata

Further reply from Simon

Dear Tathagata,

Thank you for your reply. I was obscure in explaining the problem, because the situation is quite difficult for me. I will do my best to describe in detail.

The girl I spoke about has had a 'crush' on me for some time now. Last year, about a month after we met, she told me she liked me in this way, that she wanted to be my girlfriend. I did not feel quite the same way, but told her that I would think about it. I never really gave her an honest answer, but we continued to see each other as friends.
I then started seeing another girl, who became my girlfriend. When my friend found out about this (from another mutual friend), she got very upset, because I hadn't told her about my girlfriend, thinking I could spare her feelings. I know that it would have been better to be honest with her straight away. I apologized, and we remained friends. When it eventually became clear that she still felt strongly about me, I explained to her that I didn't feel that way about her, and that she should find somebody else.
My problem now is that I still sense that she feels that way about me. This affects me, because I worry that I am still leading her on by remaining friends with her, and I worry that she still gets upset because of my actions. I enjoy her company and friendship, but I feel that she wants more from me than I am prepared to give.

I hope this is somewhat clearer.
Simon

Further reply from Tathagata

Dear Simon,

Because each person's thinking, mind and feelings can be different, then the girl doesn't feel the same as you and she becomes confrontational and emotional when trying understand you. We can see this kind of case from several examples. First, it may occur from the girl's consciousness. Second, when her consciousness has a problem or some problems are occurred by another spirit, this situation may happen. When someone accepts another spirit, and a problem occurs, then sometimes they develop a feeling which is a kind of anger or they can not control one's emotion and judgment. If possible then you need to meet her as little as possible and if you don't have any affinity with her then don't meet her at all and tell her frankly that you don't know why she thinks of you in this way and you are sorry that this happened. And you must speak honestly and don't mince your words.

Tathagata

Further response from Simon

Dear Tathagata,

Thank you for your reply. Your advice and answers have always been helpful to me. Now I am looking for a way to improve my own ability to solve my problems, to 'awaken' myself, as you call it. Of course, it is useful to send you my questions and problems like this; however, because of the time I must spend waiting for your reply, it would be a good thing if I could find a way to help myself as well.
My plan is to spend time each week writing a document of problems that I notice in my life, and then use the things I have learned from you and your website to try and explain how the problem was created, what parts make up the problem, and what the solution could be.
To sum up my problem this time: I would like to learn a method of helping myself see the world more clearly and solve problems, but I have not yet found a method that works. Do you think my plan is a good idea? If not, could you suggest a different method I can use regularly to help myself?

Thank you for your time,
Simon

Further answer from Tathagata

Dear Simon,

I'm deliberating how I should answer your question. Teaching always exists inside us but people don't recognize that and which thing exists and whether which thing is helpful for themselves or not. So, they need a guide such as me. From what we can see in mathematics, there are very many numbers from one to a hundred trillion. If we look truth teaching that can be helpful for our life, there are also very many things in various fields as mathematics. For that reason, If you want to live for some purpose and you are interested in how to awake yourself, continuously ask opinions that you have and such things of me in this time. Then you will take very big help for awaking yourself through your questions and my answers.

Tathagata